Fools Rush In
by spacemonkey69
Summary: Monica gambling, Ross getting more cards, Phoebe fighting off lurkers and Joey searching for his hand twin. What about Chandler and Rachel? Chapter Seven up, please R
1. Chapter 1

Okay, first things first, this has nothing to do with the movie 'Fools Rush In' with the exception of the two main characters looking and sounding remarkably similar...hmm, what an odd coincidence. Anyway, I chose the name because...well, I love the song 'I cant help falling in love' by Elvis, which is where the phrase is taken from and...well, it seemed very fitting for this story! Anyway, when I thought this up, I just knew I had to write it straight away, before it left me! So please read and review and...and I have no idea where I'm going to take this! It's started out as a bit of a comedy, but I'm not sure how I will be able to continue it as one...so if you have any suggestions for this story, plot wise, it may be helpful, and I may just take them up!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do own the movie 'Fools Rush In' (melts) andthe season 5 and 6 friends dvd, which is where this is based! AWOOHOO FOR ME!

* * *

Chandler couldn't believe it.

He had gone to talk to Monica; gone to sort everything out, and there she had been, gambling. Not just gambling, but gambling and having a good time.

Chandler supposed those two things went hand in hand…unless you were losing money, but that wasn't the point. Monica didn't seem to be losing money, she seemed to be winning. And she seemed happy; ecstatic even. Like she hadn't a care in the world.

Like they hadn't just had a huge fight on their anniversary.

Phoebe had said that Monica was feeling terrible and had really wanted to make up, but watching Monica playing craps really showed no evidence of that.

Craps.

The name was so true. It was a crap situation, and as Chandler stood there watching Monica hug a guy next to her, he decided he needed to do something drastic. Something to make it go from crap to good once more. He turned and headed up to his room, intent on grabbing his bag. If Monica really cared for him, she would forget about the craps game in an instant once he went to walk out, empty luggage bag on his shoulder.

As he approached his and Monica's door, he noticed a figure leaning up against the wall.

"Rach?" she turned and he instantly bit his lip, physically having to stop himself from making a joke. As much as it pained him, he knew that it would pain him even more if he made fun of Rachel and her moustache. She wasn't exactly what you would call happy about the situation.

"Chandler!" she exclaimed, rushing towards him. Chandler frowned as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, laughing happily. Maybe she wasn't all that upset. Or it was just possible that the alcohol she had obviously consumed had lightened her mood.

"Hey hey, Pancho Villa," he said lightly, patting her on the back. She let out another laugh, pulling away and shaking her finger at him.

"Hey, that's Phoebe's joke, you can't just steal that." Chandler cocked his head in confusion.

"Pheebs used that joke? Really?"

"Oh, that's right, you weren't there." She let out another laugh, doubling over slightly, and then stumbling. Chandler grabbed her before she could fall.

"I think someone has had a bit too much to drink." Rachel stood up, nodding her head.

"Just a bit," she told him, holding her fingers together somewhat unsteadily. "But I got a lot more drinking left to do tonight! Come on, you join me!" Grabbing his hand, Rachel began to pull Chandler down the hallway.

"Rach-"

"No come on! No buts, you can keep me company! Ross went downstairs to get some more cards," she glanced at Chandler, smiling at him, "because I accidentally spilt my drink on them …but can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure, why not?"

"I didn't accidentally spill it, I 'accidentally' spilt it," she released Chandler's hand for a moment and made quotation marks in the air, before grabbing his hand once more. Chandler sighed. He wasn't going to be getting away any time soon.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah! I just wanted to get him away from me for a while…I mean, he drew on me! I'm still a bit annoyed about that…but he did let me draw on his face too before he went downstairs, so that made me feel a bit better!" Rachel laughed. "So, what are you up to? Wanna join me in the drinking fun? It's fun."

"I gathered that when you referred to it as being drinking fun," Chandler said dryly. "I was actually on my way to…well, try and make up with Mon. She was downstairs, playing the craps table, when Pheebs said she really wanted to make up and that she was upset about the whole thing, but she-"

"Oh come on Chandler, it'll be fine…come on, you guys can make up tomorrow!"

"But-"

"Ah! What did I say about buts?" Rachel asked as they reached the door they had been looking for. Opening the door quickly, Rachel walked inside, dragging Chandler behind her. "Plus, maybe she might win some money, so that she can buy you a make up gift, huh? That would be pretty cool!"

"But-"

"But nothing Chandler, now sit down," she pushed Chandler's chest and smiled as he fell back onto the bed. "Now listen to me…Mon's in the fault here! She knows how insecure you are-"

"Hey!"

"Oh please, _everybody _knows that, even you!" Chandler nodded in reluctant agreement, causing Rachel to smile again. She slowly sat down next to him, her head spinning slightly. "What I'm trying to say is…have some drinks with me! Bury your sorrows; forget about it all for the night!"

"But Rach-"

"No buts!"

"Okay….however Rach, its Monica and my anniversary-"

"Screw it! You'll have other anniversaries!" Rachel exclaimed.

"But this ones kinda important…and really, this is my fault too," Chandler said logically. "And I do want to make up with her…even if she doesn't seem in that much of a hurry to make up with me…"

"You see, she isn't hurrying, so you shouldn't either!" Chandler paused, frowning slightly. "And you still sound slightly resentful towards her…maybe you should just wait here for a while? Have a couple of drinks! Or at least keep me company till Ross gets back? Come on Chandler, you can't leave me alone; I am, after all drunk! And I'm only at the beginning of drunk! Who knows where I could go from here!"

Chandler smiled at her words, and then nodded. "Okay, I'll stay until Ross gets back."

"That's a promise! I'm holding you to that Mr Bing." Rachel pointed a threatening finger at Chandler, who smiled once more.

"You got it Mr Green."

A knock on the door stopped Rachel from retorting to Chandler's comment. Instead, she stood up and walked over to the door. "That's the alcohol and beers I ordered!"

Chandler laughed as he watched Rachel accept the drinks, then wheel the cart into the room. "Oh this is going to be so much fun! As long as I choose to ignore your last comment…which I am going to!"

"Alrighty…let the fun begin…I guess," Chandler muttered, taking a bottle from Rachel. They clinked their bottles together, then both took a long drink.

"Guess nothing Chandler; this is going to be super fun!" Rachel exclaimed, sitting down next to him once more.

"Oh, I believe ya," Chandler took another drink. Rachel smiled, leaning her head against his.

"A night to remember…I'm sure of it."

* * *

Chandler let out a groan, rolling over and opening his eyes blearily. There was no clock to be seen, but he guessed that it was morning time. Not that he could remember the night before. Truth be told, he couldn't remember much after Rachel had proclaimed the night to be one to remember. It seemed ironic that he couldn't remember it, but he didn't bother laughing at the paradox, instead concentrating on keeping anything that may have been in his stomach down.

"Ohh." A groan next to him caused Chandler to frown. Had he made up with Monica? He couldn't remember, but he must have. Rolling over to greet his girlfriend, he was surprised when a shriek cut through the air. Even though it sliced through his pounding head like a knife through the air, Chandler started to shriek back. He grabbed his head in pain then stared in confusion as Rachel did the exact same thing.

They continued to stare at one another for a while, unsure of what was going on.

"Why are we in bed together?" Chandler asked finally.

"I don't know…do you have any clothes on?" she questioned fearfully. Chandler reached a hand down and felt around.

"I have…boxers on."

"Oh…well, that's good…I guess. Means we didn't have sex."

"Yeah…lucky, huh?" Chandler let out an uncomfortable laugh, which was joined by Rachel's.

"Unless you put your boxers on afterwards," she piped up suddenly. Chandler stopped laughing, and stared at her.

"Why? Wh-wh…why? Why would you even say that?"

"I'm sorry, but it is possible!" Rachel shrugged, sitting up slowly. She winced, pain shooting through her skull. "But no…we wouldn't do anything that stupid…would we?"

"No…no! No, I wouldn't do that to Mon, no!" Chandler shook his head emphatically. "I mean, I don't really remember anything about last night, but I think I would know if I had sex!"

"Yeah…me too! I remember laughing a lot, but that's it."

"Of course you were laughing baby, you were with me." Rachel stared at Chandler's smug face for a moment, then rolled her eyes and began to get out of bed.

"Oh, I mean, we were really drunk. I'm just glad we didn't do anything stupid."

"Tell me about it," Chandler muttered as he too climbed out of bed.

Neither of them noticed the writing sprawled across Chandler's bare back.

Just Married.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, once more, no idea where I am going with this...but I still am trying to keep the humor into it! It's hard though hehe. Thankyou for all the reviews, they were great! Oh, and if anyone has any idea what Mon should do, please tell me! I'm still slightly confused on that front! Please read and review and I love you

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do own a habit of writing stories instead of doing my actual work...I'm sure you can all agree!

* * *

After dressing and popping a few pills for their pounding heads, Rachel and Chandler made their way downstairs to attempt some breakfast and hopefully, in Chandler's case, find Monica. The air was slightly tense around them, both unsure of what had really happened the night before. Chandler tried to put it out of his mind, watching as Rachel checked her face in her compact mirror for the umpteenth time. She had managed to wash the beard and moustache off, which had put her in a better mood for breakfast.

Joey and Phoebe were already there, talking animatedly as per usual. They fell silent as their friends approached the table. Chandler pulled out a chair for Rachel, glancing around the room as she sat down.

"Mon isn't down yet?" he asked, pushing both Rachel and the chair in.

"No…" was all Joey said as Chandler sat down, still staring at the two; Phoebe doing the same. Unaware of the close scrutiny, Chandler thanked Rachel as she poured him some coffee.

"So…are we going to talk about what you two did last night?" Joey finally asked. Chandler and Rachel both froze, staring in horror at one another. Crap, was all Chandler could think. He really had slept with Rachel.

No.

Joey was wrong. He would never cheat on Monica, no matter how drunk or upset he was.

"What are you talking about? Nothing…nothing happened last night," Rachel said nervously, flipping her hair back. Chandler nodded in agreement.

"Ya huh! Rach, you invited us to watch!"

Despite his certainty that nothing had happened, Chandler still looked at Rachel in disgust. She stared back, unable to form any coherent words.

"We weren't going to miss our best friends getting married," Phoebe continued.

"Who got married?" Rachel gasped, turning away from Chandler.

"Uh…you did?" Joey said uncertainly. Chandler and Rachel both burst into laughter.

"What? We didn't get married-"

"That's ridiculous! We didn't get-" they said in unison, both turning to look at one another. Two gasps filled the air as the memory hit them full force.

"Oh my god!" Chandler exclaimed, covering his face with his hands. "Oh my go…I remember a chapel…"

"Oh my god, no, no, no…." Rachel shook her head, also burying her face into her hands.

"They…they wouldn't let us get married…we were so drunk!"

"Of course they would let you get married when you're drunk! Most people who get married in Vegas _are _drunk!"

"Hell, I'm drunk right now," Phoebe laughed. They all turned to look at her in surprise. "What? I'm on vacation here!"

"This can not be happening," Chandler groaned miserably.

"Chandler, what is the big deal? So you two got married? It's not like it counts." Joey leaned back in his chair, smirking to himself.

"What are you talking about?"

"Yeah, if you get married in Vegas, you're only married in Vegas," Phoebe explained.

"What are you talking about? You get married in Vegas, you're married everywhere Pheebs!" Rachel exclaimed. Phoebe stared at her.

"R-Really?"

"Uh, yeah!"

"Oh my god!" there was a pause, then Phoebe shrugged and went back to her drink.

"So…you guys are really married? Mr and Mrs Bing?"

"Oh my god, I'm Mrs Bing!" Rachel covered her face in horror. "Oh god, this is awful!"

"What am I going to do? If Mon finds out…well, let's just say, I can officially start burying my own grave," Chandler hissed. Joey leaned forward, patting Chandler's arm.

"That's easy man…just don't tell her."

"Joey! He has to tell her!" Rachel scolded.

"What? Why? Why do I have to?"

"Because you do Chandler!"

"Yeah, I know…" Chandler shook his head, frowning deeply. "But how? I mean, what would I say? What could I say that would make it _not _sound horribly awful?"

"Well….nothing! There is nothing you can say to make this better…especially with you at the wheel," Phoebe laughed. "You suck so much at sucking up! And that is just plain impossible to do…except for you!" She laughed harder, then shook her head. "Oh god, I am _so _drunk!"

"Yeah…thanks Pheebs, that really helps us out," Chandler muttered, then turned to Rachel. "What are we gonna do?"

"Well…it was just a stupid drunken mistake! I mean, you were just keeping me company until Ross returned…which I don't think he ever did…" Rachel trailed off, frowning. "Where did he go?"

"Bigger picture Rach, please!"

"Oh right! Uh, so we got all…liquored up I guess…and then…then I don't know? Maybe we could just say that it was a…oh, a dare!"

"Oh, hey yeah! We could say that I, like, dared you guys to do it! And you were so drunk that you didn't know _what _was going on!" Phoebe clapped her hands together. "Yeah, let's do that!"

"Chan…I think you guys should just tell the truth," Joey said seriously.

"What? No, we should say the dare thing…I mean, Joey, a minute ago you were saying don't tell her at all!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Yeah, but it's gonna come out sometime…and how do you think Mon would react if she found out months later that you two had once been Mr and Mrs Bing?"

"What?" the four froze, then all turned to find both Ross and Monica standing behind them. Joey turned back to Chandler and Rachel.

"You know guys, you are _facing _that way! A bit of heads up next time would be great," he hissed.

"What…what does he mean Mr and Mrs Bing?" Monica whispered, ignoring Joey completely. Chandler and Rachel both sighed.

"Well…we got a bit drunk last night and…and apparently we kinda got…married," Chandler confessed. Monica stared at him, not saying anything.

"Mon…it's my fault…no, really, it's Ross's fault!" Rachel pointed a finger at Ross.

"What? Me? What did I do?"

"You were supposed to come back with more cards! Chandler was only hanging out with me until you came back! Then he was gonna go make up with Mon, but you didn't come back!"

"Well, he could have gone and made up with Mon anyway!"

"No, you see, I made him promise that he would stay there with me until you came back…"

"Yeah, and when you are all liquored up, a promise is pretty important," Joey piped up.

"But you see? I was gonna go and make up with you…I did go actually, because Phoebe said that you really wanted to, but you were having so much fun playing your little game, so I figured it could wait for a little while…maybe you might win something, you know?" Chandler glanced up at Monica hopefully, who continued to stare at him.

"Well…I did…I won a lot of money actually-"

"Really? How much?" Phoebe interrupted.

"It doesn't matter! I can't believe you did this Chandler!"

"I know…I'm so sorry Mon but…well, if you think about it, it really is Nevada's fault."

"How? How is it Nevada's fault?" she snapped.

"Well…they let us get married and we were _so _drunk! There should be laws against that!" Chandler exclaimed.

"Okay…I'll give you that…but did Nevada get you hammered and put the stupid, most insane thought in your heads?"

"She has us there Chandler," Rachel murmured. Chandler leapt out of his chair and grabbed Monica's hands.

"I know, I know, I am so sorry! You cannot believe how sorry I am! It was stupid! It was _so _stupid! And I am so sorry! You have to believe me." He looked at her with pleading eyes, hoping that it would work like it had in the past.

"Did you guys sleep together?" she asked softly. Chandler hesitated.

"No-not that I can remember."

"And we were wearing clothes when we woke up," Rachel offered.

"Yeah, and besides, do you really think I would forget having sex? I mean, before you, sex was so sparse that I _never _forgot doing it, no matter how drunk I was! My brain is still on that setting; I remember every time that _we _do it clearly, and as you know, there are a _lot _of times to remember! A lot!"

"Ah, that's lovely to hear," Ross muttered, taking a seat next to Phoebe.

"So…you didn't have sex?" Monica whispered, the hurt look never once leaving her face.

"No, of course we didn't! It was stupid, so stupid!"

"It was stupid," Monica agreed. Rachel nodded, standing up as well.

"Yes! And I promise you Mon, we are going to do everything we can to make this up to you!"

"Well…that's gonna take a lot…this is really horrible!" Monica rolled her eyes. "First thing you can do…get this marriage broken up."

"Done and done!" Chandler exclaimed.

"Well…not quite…we have to actually _get _the divorce first," Rachel reminded him.

"Ross, do _you _have a divorce lawyer?" Phoebe asked innocently.

"Oh, ha ha…and anyway guys, you don't need to get a divorce."

"Uh, I think they do!" Monica said shrilly.

"No, that's not what I mean…you can just get an annulment."

"Ross, I know what they did was bad, but I don't think surgery is necessary," Joey said shaking his head.

"Okay! An annulment! That sounds good, we can do that!" Chandler looked at Monica with pleading eyes once more. "Sweetie…do you want some breakfast?"

"No…I've kinda lost my appetite…something about the man I love marrying my best friend kinda takes it away. I'm going upstairs to my room."

"You…you mean 'our room'?" Chandler said hopefully. Monica smiled at him.

"Thin ice Bing!" she hissed. "I'm still not happy with you, either of you! Just because I'm not murdering you two right now doesn't mean I've forgiven you! Now if you'll excuse me…" she turned and stalked over to the door.

"Mon, wait!" the remaining four watched the couple retreating figures, Monica desperately trying to ignore Chandler as he chased after her.

"Wow." Joey shook his head, then glanced around. "Where the hell is the waiter? I'm starving!"

"It's a buffet Joe," Ross said after a beat. Joey's eyes widened, and he leapt out of his chair eagerly.

"Oh, this is where I win all my money back!" they watched as he rushed over to the table, then glanced at one another.

"Oh god, I have so messed up this time! Monica is never going to forgive me," Rachel groaned.

"Come on Rach, I'm sure she'll get over it, I mean, it's only Chandler."

"What? Pheebs? It's not only Chandler, to her it's _Chandler_! She loves him! And, as usual, I swoop in and steal him away? This is so high school!"

"Rach, you didn't swoop him away, you only married him," Ross soothed.

"Yeah, because that is better! Well…I do like the thought of me being married but… Oh, I am so stupid! No, wait! You are so stupid!" she jabbed Ross in the chest with her finger.

"Ow! Hey!"

"If you had have come back up, Chandler would have gone downstairs, made up with Mon, and everything would have been fine!"

"Hey, then maybe you and Ross might have gotten married!" Phoebe exclaimed. Ross and Rachel stared at her. "What? You might have! I mean, you married Chandler!"

"She has a point Rach," Joey said, sitting back down with an enormous plate of food.

"So? That would have been better then marrying Chandler! I'm sure! I mean, if I married Ross it would be all laughter and 'oh, good times, good times'! I wouldn't care; I certainly wouldn't get upset about it."

"Yeah." Ross rolled his eyes, causing Rachel to glare at him.

"I wouldn't! I would laugh about it! Be a great story to tell the kids…which, by the way, I don't mean _our _kids! We aren't having any kids' bucko!" she insisted before anyone could say anything. "What I'm trying to say is this is all your fault Ross! Where the hell did you get to last night?"

"Well…I went down to get some cards and this…this woman said she liked my name," Ross murmured.

"What? How did she know your name?" Joey asked.

"Well, it was written on my forehead…anyway, she said she liked my whiskers too…one thing led to another…"

"Oh my god Ross!" Rachel shook her head, and buried her face into her hands. "Oh, this is the worst vacation _ever!"_

There was a short silence, which was broken by Phoebe.

"Okay, London, 1."


	3. Chapter 3

Okay...quick update, I'm in a rush! Thank you all for the reviews so far, theyre great...oh and Leondra, I cant believe I did that! I was so sure that I had written 'London, 2'...blond moment I tell you! But, as I couldnt be bothered changing it...lets just say that Phoebe was drunk and got confused...sound good? Hehe. Oh and there are a couple of things in this chapter that may make you all go 'wait? What, why?' I.E, decisions and behavoir of certain characters, but I assure you I shall explain it better in the coming chapters...I hope anyway! Please read and review, and keep telling me what you think should happen! I have a fair idea right now, but who knows? You guys might come up with something better!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do currently own a clean room! Sprin Cleaning...I actually did it...and it was actually in Spring! Lets just see how long the room stays clean for, shall we? My guess is 45 minutes...

* * *

"And then _I _was like, hey kid! It's not a brontosaurus, it's a stegosaurus!"

"That's fascinating Ross, it really is." Rachel rolled her eyes as Ross took a sip of his coffee, then discreetly checked her watch. "I especially liked the part where you were comparing a T Rex to Jack Nicholson."

"Yeah," Ross said happily.

"Yeah…"

"Hello children," Chandler called as he walked through the door. "Gunther, can I get a coffee to go please?"

"Sure thing Joey."

Chandler rolled his eyes, sitting down next to Ross. "How long have we been coming here? He still gets me and Joey confused!"

"Well, you two _do _look…nothing alike…" Ross trailed off, glancing down at his hands.

"Aw, is my poor little hubby upset?" Rachel soothed as Gunther handed Chandler his coffee.

"Hubby? Hubby?"

"Yeah…Chandler and Rachel kinda got married in Vegas," Ross explained. Gunther turned to Chandler, his face filled with barely concealed rage.

"You two got married?"

"Yeah, but we're getting divorced."

"Annulled," Rachel corrected.

"You idiot!" the group watched as Gunther stalked off, then turned to face one another.

"So, how are things with Mon?"

"Let's just say, if we were living together, I would be sleeping on the couch…for a _long _time."

"Aw, is it really that bad?" Rachel asked softly.

"Well…it isn't as bad as it was on the plane-"

"Oh yeah, that was nasty! She gave you the coldest shoulder I have ever seen! Well, with the exception of the ones Rach used to give me when we broke up." Ross laughed, stopping abruptly when he saw the glares directed his way. "I'm gonna go get some more coffee…you guys want any more? Chan?"

"No thanks man." Chandler held up his full cup of coffee, to which Ross nodded in embarrassment.

"Ah…"

"So, is she talking to you?" Rachel asked once Ross had left the area.

"Yeah…but it's…its weird, you know?"

"Tell me about it…the most civil conversation I've had with her recently was 'Pass the butter'." Rachel sighed, then took a sip of coffee.

"What are we going to do Rach? I mean, I know that she is going to forgive us…but is there any way to speed up the process?"

"Candy? Flowers? Back massages? All of them from you, not me…well, maybe me?"

"I tried the flowers…she took them, smelt them, muttered thanks, then threw them in the sink."

"Oh, so that's why they were in there!" Rachel exclaimed. "…sorry."

"Ah, I don't know…maybe it will be better once we get the marriage annulled?"

"Oh yeah, I hope so…and listen Chandler, why don't you just leave that to me?"

"Really?"

"Yeah! You got enough on your plate at the moment…I'll take care of it, it'll be _fine! _In fact, I will do it right after I finish up here!" Rachel smiled at Chandler, who smiled back.

"Thanks Rach, you don't know how much this means to me…you're a great wife." He leaned over and kissed her cheek gently, then stood as Ross sat down. "Anyway, I gotta go attempt another conversation with my lovely girl…I'll catch you guys later."

"Bye!"

"Why does he always seem to leave when I sit down?" Ross wondered aloud.

"I don't know Ross, I really don't…oh, I need the number for your divorce lawyer too…gonna go down there now."

"Oh really? So you don't want to give the marriage a chance?" Ross joked as he pulled out his wallet, then frowned. "Chandler didn't pay for his drink…the bastard! He left it up to us!"

"Come on, it can be your wedding present to us…and no, I don't think we will be giving the marriage a try. Monica seems to be objecting to that…can't imagine why!"

Ross laughed, then handed her a card. "That's Russell's business card…he's good Rach."

"And most likely rich, with a client like you," Rachel commented as she put the card in her purse.

"Joke about it now Rach, but just remember. You are one marriage away from being just like me…yeah, you're almost as pathetic as me!" he laughed, then stopped suddenly. "Wait…"

"Ross, I didn't marry a lesbian, nor did I say another person's name at the alter…well, I don't think I did anyway…I'm no where near as close to being as pathetic as you!"

"Phoebe said that you were walked down the aisle by a fake Elvis! That's pretty pathetic!"

"Well…maybe Elvis was my dad?"

"Rach, I'm just saying, do you know how being divorced affects you? Quite often when you meet a person, they will do the bolt as soon as they find out. Especially with some one like you. Most men will think 'whoa! She's young, smart and gorgeous…why is she divorced? She must be impossible'."

"Guys are not going to think that about me Ross…are they?"

"Uh…yeah! Unless you tell them that it was a drunken mistake and you just married your, uh, best friend's boyfriend for 'something to do'. Then they are going to think 'bitch!'"

"Ross, this is really not helping-"

"If I was in your situation, I wouldn't want a failed marriage…maybe…maybe you should just stay married to Chandler?" Ross burst out laughing. "I mean, could you imagine? Oh man, that would be a twist!"

"Huh…yeah, it would be." Rachel nodded thoughtfully as Ross checked his watch.

"Oh I gotta go, I have to pick up Ben…talk to you later."

"Okay Ross," she said distractedly.

"Uh Rachel? Here's the check," Gunther said a few minutes later. Rachel looked at him blankly.

"What? But…oh, damnit!"

* * *

"Hey guys! Oh, Chandler, how are things with Mon?" Rachel asked as she sat down on the couch later that day.

"Better I think…she actually let me kiss her before!"

"Oh yay!" Phoebe said happily.

"Score one for the Chan Chan Man! Oh, how did everything go with the annulment?"

"All taken care of, just like I said it would be," Rachel reassured him.

"Yes! Thank you so much Rach."

"Oh its no problem, no problem at all…I'm just sad that we didn't get any wedding gifts."

"You can have my muffin," Phoebe said a moment later.

"Aw Pheebs, you shouldn't have." Chandler took the muffin from Phoebe, then handed it to Rachel. "As my ex wife, you are meant to take everything from me anyway, so…"

"Yeah…hey you guys wanna go see a movie?" Rachel suggested suddenly.

"No thanks, I've already seen one."

"Okay…Chandler?"

"Oh yeah, sure! I'll tell Mon about the divorce after…give her time to cool off."

"What? Why does she need time to cool off?" Phoebe asked.

"Oh well…I didn't tell you but when I said 'let me kiss her' what I really meant was 'I kissed her and she pushed me away, then scolded me for half an hour about it…but a movie sounds great! I'll just go get my jacket…and pay the check this time."

Rachel watched him walk off, then turned to Phoebe.

"Uh…Pheebs…you want to hear something kinda…strange?"

"Do I ever!"

"I…I didn't get the annulment…Chandler and I are still married."

"W-What!" Phoebe exclaimed.

"Rach, let's go!" Chandler called from the door. Rachel stood up, grabbing her purse and muffin.

"Yeah...kinda crazy huh? Don't tell anyone…I'll catch you later!"

Phoebe watched as Rachel walked off, her mouth hanging open in shock. She closed it abruptly, then leapt to her feet.

"Hey! Wait!"


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, I finally got inspiration for this story..AWOOHOO(gotta stop doing that)...took me forever, but I did it...and it's extra long too! Almost as long as the first three chaps put together...yes,I think that deserves another AWOOHOO! I gotta say though, that the characterisation may be a bit...eclectic, but it's only because I have had to make a few slides to get along with this story...it is really hard! I have newfound respect for the writers of friends...and I hope you guys can let anything odd slide...only a story! Liz, Ross's reaction wasnt as strong as it should be, but hell, I didnt want him mad too, so I thought I would just assume that he had stopped having feelings for Rach (it comes and goes) and that hebelieved that Mon would forgive Chandler, but till then,she would punish him enough for theboth of them...sound good?Oh, and Rach may be a bit confusing in this with all her different...things, but bear with me...denial is a lovely word hehe. So please read and review, and keep the suggestions coming! Who knows, maybe I might end up using one...maybe...but if not, well, it is still fun to read! AWOOHOO(last time, I swear!) Oh, and Liz...I updated...can I have Liam back now? Please?...okay, fine, you keep him, I just wont update And Now For Something...EVER! (Lies, all lies)

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do own a plane ticket to Queensland (AIEEE! First plane ride! Terrified! They come down! I'm gonna die!) but that isnt till 3rd of December, so you guys can expect juicy stories from me till then...I dont know why I told you all that...

* * *

"So, I was thinking that we should see-"

"Wait! Rachel, wait! For god sakes, woman!"

"I have this odd feeling that Phoebe is trying to get your attention," Chandler said to Rachel as Phoebe ran towards them.

"Rach! _Rach_!"

"What!"

"Wait!"

"Pheebs, I'm not even walking!" Rachel exclaimed. Phoebe stopped for a moment, taking a few gasping breaths.

"Someone is out of shape," Chandler muttered in Rachel's ear. She nodded in agreement.

"Rach, can I talk to you for just a second? Please?"

"Phoebe, we'll be late for the movie though," Chandler told the blond. She stopped to consider that for a moment, then suddenly pointed.

"Cab! Hey, taxi!" The car stopped and Phoebe pulled open the door. "Good timing huh! Here, get in!" she forcefully pushed Chandler inside and closed the door.

"Pheebs, we were gonna just walk up to the Angelica-"

"Oh the Angelica? Go Mr Cab man, go!" she banged on the car's roof and it pulled away, Chandler yelling out in surprise. The girls watched the car drive away for a second, then turned to one another.

"Pheebs-"

"You didn't get the annulment!" Phoebe shrieked.

"Yeah…weird, huh?" Rachel let out a small laugh, then stopped when Phoebe stared, wide eyed at her.

"Rach!"

"I tried to! I got there, I was all ready to go in and all I could hear was Ross in my head, mocking me about being nearly as pathetic as he was! 'One marriage away from being just like me'!"

"Okay, first…the Ross impression…uncanny!"

"Thankyou!"

"Although it really isn't that hard for you…you are both as whiny as one another."

"Yea…hey!" Rachel glared at Phoebe, who rolled her eyes.

"Rachel, you cannot stay married to Chandler!"

"Why not?"

"Because you can't!"

"Look Pheebs, I cannot have a failed marriage! I cannot be just like Ross! I cannot be that pathetic!"

"Because secretly staying married to your best friends _boyfriend_ isn'tpathetic," Phoebe muttered. Rachel sighed.

"I know, I know! Look, just give me some time, I'll figure something out! I just gotta do some thinking." Phoebe hesitated, chewing on her lip thoughtfully as Rachel stared at her. "Just, please, don't say anything about this to _anyone_!"

"I can't lie to my best friends!"

"Why not? You do it all the time! And this isn't lying, it's just not telling the truth."

"Oh, I see…but no…but it does make me feel special, me being the only one who knows about this."

"There you go!"

"Okay!"

Rachel went to talk, but was interrupted by a cab backing up next to them. "Okay, stop now! Okay! Okay, Pheebs? What the hell was that?" Chandler exclaimed, peering out the window. Phoebe grinned widely at him.

"Hey, you're back! So, how was the movie?"

"I haven't seen it yet!"

"Well, you better get a move on! The Angelica! Go, go, go!" She banged on the roof again and the cab took off again. Chandler's eyes widened.

"What? No!"

Phoebe shook her head, watching as the cab drove away.

"There he goes…your secret husband."

* * *

The door slammed shut behind him and Chandler stared blankly at Monica, who stared blankly back at him.

"Hi," he said softly. She grunted in response, sitting down on the couch. Chandler sighed and walked over, taking a seat next to her.

"What have you been doing?" Monica asked after a long silence.

"I took a ride in a cab today…thanks to Miss Phoebe Buffay."

"You went in Phoebe's cab?"

"No, no, I went in another cab…from Central Perk to the Angelica…twice."

"That was a waste of money."

"You're telling me. And then Rach and I missed the movie I wanted to see, so I wound up seeing another Hugh Grant movie, where once more he stutters and guffaws and _still _gets the girl in the end."

"You and Rach?" Monica asked tersely. Chandler visibly winced.

"Yeah…uh, we were celebrating?" he sounded unsure, and became even more unsure when Monica glared at him.

"What, did you guys have a drunken baby now?"

"…we got an annulment?"

"Oh…oh."

"Yeah, so…no more stupid marriage now! Me and Rach, we're over! Not that we were ever under or any…oh, I'm so bad at this!"

"Yes you are," Monica agreed, glancing at him from underneath her eyelashes. "But you are getting better."

"You really mean that?"

"I guess…"

"So…so, can we…can we, you know…"

"It will be a while before we get to do any you know, Chandler."

"Right. Gotcha…I deserved that." Chandler nodded miserably, leaning back against the couch. "Oh, alcohol is the devil."

"I'm not gonna disagree with you there…I got some laundry to do." Monica stood up and switched off the TV she hadn't been watching. Chandler stood too, glancing around awkwardly. "So, I'll catch you later."

"Yeah…okay…I love you," he said softly. Monica nodded, then leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

"Me too…but I'm still pissed."

"Oh, I know." Chandler smiled, then turned and walked out the door. Closing it behind him, he pumped a fist in the air. "And the Chan Chan man still has a way with the laydies!"

"Hey man!" Joey said happily as Chandler walked through the door. He placed his cards on the table, turning to face his friend and not noticing Phoebe taking a peek, then replacing one of his cards with her own. "Talk to Mon?"

"Yeah and guess what! She kissed me. _She _kissed _me! _Did I kiss her? Oh no, I didn't have to, because _she _kissed _me!"_

"So, she kissed you huh?" Ross asked, as he walked out of the bathroom. Chandler nodded. "Well, that's good. I mean, that practically means that you two will be getting married soon! Oh no, wait…you aren't the type of person who kisses people before you marry them."

"And you, aren't you the type of person who marries people that kiss other women?" Chandler said nonchalantly. Ross rolled his eyes.

"Laugh it up Chandler, but like I told Rach, you are already halfway there to being as pathetic as me."

"Ross, I don't think anyone could be _that _pathetic!" Joey exclaimed, turning back to his card game. He frowned at his cards, then shrugged.

"Yeah, and besides, you got divorces…Chandler got an _annulment_." Phoebe winked at Chandler, who simply frowned at her.

"Pheebs, is it just me, or are you being more weirder today then usual?" he asked as he sat down next to her. She shrugged.

"Eh, it comes and goes."

"Hey you guys!" Rachel exclaimed as she walked through the door, shopping bags in her hand. "Guess what I did?"

"Obviously not go shopping!" Chandler said dryly. Rachel set down her bags, rolling her eyes at Chandler.

"Other then that, you moron."

"Wow, they've only been annulled for a few hours and already she's annoyed with him," Phoebe remarked, then winked at Rachel. "Usually its days _after _the annulment…but not in this case…which is strange, because of the annulment that they have gotten-"

"Why are you still talking?" Chandler asked. Phoebe shrugged again.

"…so Rach, what did you do?" Ross asked after a beat.

"I talked to Monica!"

"Really! Me too! When did you talk to her?"

"Just then! We passed in the hallway and she _thanked _me for getting the marriage annulled!"

"She kissed me!"

"Oh, I'm so happy!" Rachel and Chandler hugged, then both sat down. "So she kissed you? Was it like before when she scolded you?"

"No! Well…it was on the cheek, but still! She initiated it! I didn't do anything!"

"Ben got an award at school today," Ross piped in.

"Well, that's great too!" Rachel exclaimed.

"I got a huge tip from a client today!" Phoebe yelled, clapping her hands together.

"Yay Pheebs!"

"I fell down some stairs before and a homeless guy laughed at me! And then this chick started to talk to me, and I got laid, by her _and _her roommate!"

There was a short silence, broken by Rachel.

"Well, that's great too Joey!"

"Yeah, I thought so!"

"Oh, wonderful things are happening today! Awards, tips, sex, annulments." Phoebe winked once more at Rachel, who rolled her eyes.

"Phoebe…is there something wrong with your eye?" Ross asked.

"Huh?"

"You keep winking…is there something wrong?"

"Oh…oh yeah, my eye is a bit itchy…yeah."

"Maybe you should go see an eye doctor?" Chandler suggested. Phoebe looked at him for a moment.

"You know what? It isn't itchy anymore. Rach, can I talk to you for a sec? Out in the hallway?"

"Yeah, sure!" Phoebe grabbed Rachel's arm and pulled her outside, closing the door behind them. "What's up?"

"Okay, I figured it out."

"Figured what out?"

"Why you won't get the annulment!"

"Shh!" Rachel glanced around nervously, then looked back at Phoebe. "Pheebs, we already know why! It's because I don't want to be like Ross!"

"See, that's what you are trying to lead me to believe, but I figured it out!"

"Okay, what is it then?" Rachel asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's so obvious, but okay," Phoebe cleared her throat, then glanced around. "You're in love with Chandler."

"What? No!"

"Sure! You love him! And that is why-"

"Phoebe!"

"That is why you won't divorce him!"

"Annul! And that is not why! I don't love Chandler!"

"Oh yeah? Well, then why won't you get the annulment?"

"Because of the things we talked about!"

"Because you love him."

"Phoebe-"

"You love him, you want to stay married to him, you want to have secret babies, and you want to secretly grow old together with him!"

"That is so not true!" Rachel shrieked. "I do not love-"

"Okay, I'll see you guys later!" Ross exclaimed as he walked out the door. He turned to find Phoebe and Rachel looking innocent. "What…what are you guys talking about?"

"Oh, we were talking about…bacon."

"No we weren't! We were talking about tennis!" Phoebe let out a laugh, shaking her head. Rachel blinked a few times then glanced at Ross.

"O…okay…I'm gonna get going."

"Okay…and thank you Ross, once again!"

"For what?" Ross asked, confused.

"Well…for one thing, not throwing a hissy fit about the whole marriage thing-"

"Why would I throw a hissy fit?"

"Well, because we used to go out, and because Monica is your sister, and because-"

"Huh…yeah, I didn't really even think about all that…I was too busy laughing about the whole divorce thing…but-"

"Oh, but now it doesn't matter!" Rachel exclaimed, cutting Ross off before he could continue that thought.

"Yeah…you're right."

"Oh, and also thankyou for giving me Russell's number…that was great too!"

"Yes, great for the annulment," Phoebe said solemnly. Ross nodded.

"Well, no problem…okay, I'll see you two later!"

"Okay, bye!" Phoebe and Rachel both watched Ross walk down the stairs, then turned to one another.

"I do not love Chandler," Rachel hissed, keeping her voice soft so that Ross wouldn't hear her.

"Yes you do…that's why you can't get the annulment."

"You aren't going to believe me; no matter how much I say it, are you?" Rachel asked after a moment. Phoebe shook her head. "Okay, what if I get the annulment?"

"Why would you do that?"

"To prove to you that I don't love him!"

"Is that all?"

"Oh, and so that I don't ruin Chandler and Monica's relationship, bla bla."

"Wow…so caring about your friends! Bravo Rachel Green, bravo!" Phoebe clapped her hands together.

"I care about them! And that is why I am going to get this annulment!"

"No, you are going to do it because you love Chandler, but you don't want to love Chandler, so you are going to try and convince yourself and _me _that by getting this annulment, but it wont change anything and you will still love him, but then you will be a divorced girl who is in love with her ex husband, who also happens to be her best friends boyfriend, and you will become bitter!"

Rachel stared at Phoebe in shock.

"Did you breathe _once _throughout that?"

"Not at all!"

"Okay, I don't care what you think Phoebe…I am going to get this annulment, not to prove anything to you or myself, but because it is the right thing to do."

"Strange how you only decided to do it _after _I accused you of all this…I mean, you were so set on staying married before but now, suddenly an unexpected change of heart? Rachel, Rachel, Rachel…you are so young." Phoebe patted Rachel on the cheek, then turned and opened the door.

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"I mean…you are wrong and I am right!" with that, Phoebe shut the door behind her. Rachel glared at the door for a second, then sat down on the step.

"Stupid damn hippy, thinks she knows all," she muttered. "She doesn't know all…I just didn't get the annulment because…because I was confused…yeah! But I'm not confused now, no, no, no…and because I liked the thought of being married…yeah! But…but I like Monica more…and Chandler…no, I don't like Chandler, yeesh!" She stood up, determination strong on her face. "That's it; I'm going to get that damn annulment! I'm gonna prove to Pheebs that I don't love him! I'm gonna do it!"

* * *

"What do you mean I can't do it?" Rachel whined. Russell sighed.

"I didn't say that you couldn't do it Miss Green, I just said that you couldn't do it without Mr Bing testifying."

"Which is pretty much the same as you saying I can't do it."

"And why is that?"

Rachel paused, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Because I…kinda already told him that I had taken care of it."

"And you are Ross Gellar's friend?"

"Yes."

"Well, then this makes perfect sense…have you considered therapy?"

"What? I don't need therapy! It was just one night, one drunken night, and it was a mistake! The only reason I told Chandler it was taken care of because if I told him it wasn't, then he would have come down here and taken care of it himself!"

"And you didn't want that because you wouldn't have been married then?"

"What? No! I didn't want that because…because…." Rachel frowned, leaning forward in her chair. "Oh! Because I promised him I would do it, and I don't break promises!"

"You simply lie about keeping them instead?"

"That's right!"

Russell raised an eyebrow, then leaned forward in his own chair. "Miss Green, to get this marriage annulled, you need a witness to prove that you were not of a sound mind, and Mr Bing to come and testify. There is no way around that."

"What about someone who looks like Chandler?" Rachel asked, desperate. Russell gave her a shocked look. "You're right…I should consider therapy."

"You and Mr Gellar could go together," Russell muttered. Rachel rolled her eyes, then stood up and grabbed her purse.

"Okay…I'll figure something out! Thankyou for your time," she shook his hand then walked out, muttering as she closed the door. "Not that it did me any good."

Rachel stomped up the stairs, glaring spitefully at the walls. "Stupid divorce lawyer, telling me what I can and can't do…I'll show him what I can do…I'll show him what it feels like to have a three hundred dollar boot up his ass…oh, who am I kidding, I only payed a hundred and fifty…half off, what a great sale."

"Okay, bye!" Phoebe exclaimed, causing Rachel to stop in her stride.

"Oh no," she muttered as Phoebe closed the door to Apartment 19, and turned to face her.

"Oh hey Rach! So, did you get the annulment?" the blonde asked, smiling smugly. Rachel sighed.

"No, I couldn't."

"Aha! I knew it! Because you love Chandler!"

"I do not! As it turns out, annulments are a _lot _more complicated-"

"Yeah, complicated because of the _love_." Phoebe laughed, then stopped as Rachel glared at her.

"I don't love Chandler…in fact, I hate him right now!"

"What, why?"

"Because now I have to go in there and tell him that, oh, I didn't get the stupid annulment, and then he is going to get pissed and then I'm gonna get upset, and I'm gonna feel bad! And I hate him for making me feel bad!"

"Yeah, right…you hate Chandler..."

"Okay, I don't hate Chandler…I'm just not looking forward to this…but it's the right thing to do. This way, we can get the annulment as quickly as possible – after the yelling and tears of course – and then he and Mon can be happy again! And I'll…I'll be a dried up old spinster!" Rachel burst into tears, causing Phoebe to shake her head.

"You won't be a spinster!"

"No one will want to go out with me! Divorce girl!"

"Rach, everybody will still want to go out with you!"

"R-Really?" Rachel sniffled. Phoebe nodded.

"Yes! Now go in there and tell your husband that you didn't get the annulment! Go!"

"Okay, fine!"

"Yeah, and then you can continue on with your secret love," Phoebe said under her breath.

"What? Pheebs, really, if I loved Chandler, would I be doing this to save his relationship with Mon? Would I?"

"I have never been more convinced that you love him," Phoebe said after a beat. Rachel let out a frustrated cry.

"I do not love Chandler! I don't! I don't have feelings for him!" she exclaimed. Without another word, she turned and walked into Apartment 19, slamming the door behind her. Chandler looked up with a glum look on his face.

"Oh, what's wrong sweetie?" Rachel cooed, walking over and sitting down next to him.

"I was just thinking about me and Mon…and how I don't think she will ever forgive me. I mean, I thought she would…but I suddenly realised that she might not," Chandler muttered, glancing down at his hands.

"Oh honey, come here!" she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. "She'll forgive you!"

"You think?"

"Of course! Everything is going to be okay, you'll see!"

"Thanks Rach," Chandler said, his voice muffled. Rachel smiled, pulling him closer.

"Anytime sweetie." She pressed her face into his hair, taking in the scent of his shampoo. Suddenly, she froze, a horrified look crossing over her face. She was smelling his hair? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

"I have to go!" she exclaimed as she leapt to her feet, all thought of telling Chandler about the annulment leaving her mind. Chandler looked up at her, confused. "I got…I got a…I have a…thing…"

"A thing?"

"A thing! I'll see you later!" Before Chandler could say another words, Rachel was out the door, eyes wide. She leaned her back up against the closed wood, muttering under her breath.

"What was that? What the hell was that? Why did you do that? Why Rachel, why? Oh god, now you sound like Joanna…who slept with Chandler…who you just smelt! Ach!" she turned and kicked the door in frustration, then stood stock still in horror as she realised what she had just done. The door opened seconds later, Chandler giving her a confused look.

"Rach?"

"Hi again! I was just…I was just stretching! Okay, bye!" She turned on her heel and raced into her apartment, leaving a befuddled Chandler standing in his doorway.

"Monica? Monica!" Rachel yelled, searching through the apartment. When she received no answer, nor did she find her friend, she let out an agonised cry. "Oh god! Maybe Phoebe is right? No, Phoebe isn't right…or is she? No, she isn't! I didn't smell his hair, this didn't happen!" Rachel did an odd clicky thing in front of her face – as if she was attempting to turn back time – then stood still for a second, wondering where she had gotten that from. She let out a scream when she realised where. She had seen Chandler do that so many times. "Ah! That damn Phoebe! This is all her fault!" Knocking over a picture frame as she walked past, Rachel walked out the door, desperate to go and find Phoebe. She walked back in seconds later and placed the picture frame back.

Monica was already mad enough as it was.

* * *

"So Pheebs…"

"Yeah Joey?" Phoebe took a sip of her coffee as Joey looked at her thoughtfully.

"I was thinking…"

"Oh?"

"Well, first Ross and Rach get together…then Mon and Chan…then Rach and Chan get married…we are the only ones who haven't done anything…so…"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you and I should hook up?"

Phoebe smiled, setting her mug down on the table. "Oh we do, but not just yet."

"Really?" Joey exclaimed, a wide smile on his face. "When?"

"Umm, well first Monica and Chandler make up-"

"Oh, thank god."

"Yeah, then they get married…and are filthy rich by the way. Yeah…but it doesn't work out."

"Wow," Joey sounded both shocked and slightly upset. Phoebe screwed up her face in agreement.

"Yeah, I know…but then, I'm gonna marry Chandler…you know, for the money-"

"That means Chandler gets to marry all _three _of you girls? Lucky bastard!"

"Yeah…oh, but you marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids."

"Great!"

Phoebe grinned at him, then continued, "But then we ditch those two and that…_that _is when we get married! Yeah, we'll have Chandler's money and Rachel's kids…oh, and getting custody of them won't be a problem because of her drinking problem."

"Really?" Joey sounded surprised. Phoebe nodded.

"Yeah, two failed marriages…kinda does that to a person."

"Oh…hey, what about Ross? He has two failed marriages; does he end up with a drinking problem too?"

Phoebe bit her lip, and then took her time to have another drink before answering. "Well, I don't really want to get into the whole thing but…yeah, we have words and I kill him," she said matter of factly. Joey raised his eyebrows.

"I see."

"Yeah, but don't you worry, you're safe…I could never kill my movie star husband."

"W-What?"

"Oops! Said too much!" Phoebe covered her mouth, grinning from underneath the fingers as she watched Joey's face light up.

"Cool! Imagine it…Academy Award Winner, Joey Tribbiani!"

"Yeah!"

"Emmy Winner Joey Tribbiani…Golden Globe Winner Joey Tribbiani…SAG winner Joey-"

"I get the point Joey." Phoebe took another sip as Joey's face fell slightly, then lip up once more, no doubt in the middle of his future award winning speech.

"Pheebs!" Rachel practically screamed as she walked through the door. Everyone in Central Perk turned to look at her. "Can I help you?" Everybody stared at her for a second longer, then turned back to their tables. "Phoebe!"

"Yes Rach?"

Rachel sat down on the couch, glancing briefly at Joey – who was still acting out his speech in his head, and looking quite dazed – then looked at Phoebe. "I need to talk to you!"

"About what?"

"I need help!"

"Can I help?" Joey asked. Rachel glanced at him once more.

"Yeah, you can go away," she said frantically. Joey held up his hands in defence.

"Hey, just trying to be nice."

"Oh, I'm sorry Joey…thankyou, but this is a girl's conversation…but hey! Maybe you could go upstairs and hang out with Chandler? He's a bit down."

"Is he alright?"

"Yeah, he'll be fine." Joey nodded, then stood.

"Okay, catch you guys later then!" the two girls watched as he walked out the door, then turned to one another.

"Chandler is a bit down huh? So, you told him?"

"…no."

"What? Rachel! Why not?" Phoebe shrieked, then calmed. "It's because you love him!"

"I just got in there and he was upset and I hugged him and…oh god." Rachel buried her face in her hands.

"Oh god, what?"

"I smelt his hair Phoebe!"

"Oh…okay…how exciting." Phoebe rolled her eyes and picked up her mug once more.

"No Pheebs, it's a big deal!"

"No, its not!" Phoebe exclaimed, laughing slightly.

"It's…it's not?"

"No! I mean, I smell Chandler's hair _all _the time! It doesn't mean I'm in love with him! It just means he has great smelling hair!"

"He does, doesn't he?" Rachel smiled for a moment, then shook her head. "I mean, no! I always thought that hair smelling signified attraction?"

"When guys do it to us, _yes_! But, when we do it to guys, it just means we are observant."

"Okay, now you are confusing me…first you say I'm in love with him, then you say I'm not?" Rachel said after a long pause.

"No, I'm just saying that it's not the hair smelling that gave you away!" Phoebe exclaimed. Rachel stared at her for a long moment.

"…I'm gonna go now."

"Probably a good idea," Phoebe said, nodding in agreement. Rachel nodded back, then stood and walked out the door. Phoebe let out a small laugh, then took another sip of her coffee.

Rachel stalked down the street, a frown furrowing her brow. That conversation was meant to consol her, not confuse her. But then, what had she really expected from Phoebe?

Her friend was still certain that she had feelings for Chandler, even though she obviously didn't. She was just being observant sniffing his hair.

Rachel nodded. Yeah. Observant. That was it. But still, she wouldn't be getting the annulment. Not today anyway.

"But soon," she muttered under her breath. "Once I get the nerve to tell Chandler…once I get the nerve to _see _Chandler….once my heart decides not to skip a beat when I see him…but no, I don't love him…observant, that's the key…just observant…what?" the man who had been staring at her shrugged, then continued walking. "Like you don't talk to yourself!" she screamed after him, then turned to find a few other's staring at her as if she was crazy. She shrugged, then continued her walk. They were right.

She was losing her mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, I just had a nice long authors note written out and then my internet explorer shut down (kills computer) so lets see if I can member what I wrote...hmm...oh yes! I wrote this chap in the middle of doing two assignments, so I have currently written around 8000 words so far today...and the night is still young...my fingers are about to fall off! (lucky I'm a quick typer) So, you guys better be happy with this, it nearly killed me! And at least I have a good excuse if this is sub par...so if it seems a bit rushed, I'm sorry...I did this for you...oh and so that Amy wouldnt do her promise of killing me (Love you...) and Leondra...I wrote in quite a bit of Chandler, just for you...oh, who am I kidding? I did it selfishly all for me! I cant survive without my channy. And all the people who are wondering if it will be Mondler or Randler...well, it's gonna have a happy ending, I can tell you all that much...but I aint going to give away the ending...but keep reading, you will most likely get your wish (wink wink) So yea, that's pretty much it...oh and this will prolly not be updated for a while (meaning a few days) because I am going away for the weekend to see Daddy and my big bro...and I'm swamped with homework...and all my other stories, so...enjoy this! Please read and review and I love you all!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I still own a very sore neck...I think I hurt it!

* * *

"Hey guys!" Chandler said happily as he and Monica walked into Central Perk. Rachel noticed that they were holding hands and she felt both jealously – something she desperately ignored- and her heart surge at the fact that they seemed to have made up. Finally. It had taken them long enough – four weeks to be precise. Four weeks of Chandler desperately trying to fix things; four weeks of Monica, slowly but surely letting down her guard; four weeks of Chandler either coming into his apartment upset or doing a happy dance, depending on whether or not Monica had been receptive.

And four weeks of Rachel feeling like the lowest form of scum in the history of scum. She hadn't told Chandler. She hadn't got the annulment. They were still married, and she still, for the life of her, could not figure out why.

It had gone on too long now though. She knew that if she told Chandler now, it would be so much worse then it would have been telling him four weeks ago – when she really should have told him. But she hadn't, and time had passed, and she had found more and more excuses to not tell him, and now it was too late. If she told him now, she would most likely end up with her one hundred and fifty dollar boots up her own ass. And god knows what the surgeons would say to that one; although it did seem likely that they would have had to remove stranger things in their time.

Rachel was so screwed.

She knew that. She couldn't stay married to Chandler; secretly or otherwise. One day he and Monica would try to get married and _bam! _The bombshell would be dropped, and by then, it would be more than a boot up the ass. She had screwed up majorly, and knew she would have to tell them, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Feeling like scum was a lot better then feeling like scum and having Chandler pissed at her.

She had tried to reason that with Phoebe, who had then replied with a snide 'it's because you love him, duh!' Rachel had stormed off, her mind running ablaze.

Four weeks of Phoebe hounding her ass; four weeks of hearing nothing but 'you love him, you love him, you love him'. Four weeks of her feeling awkward around Chandler, wondering if Phoebe was telling the truth, and she just hadn't figured it out yet.

Of course that made her feel even lower. She couldn't be in love with Chandler; it was inconceivable. He was Chandler. He was _Chandler. _She couldn't love Chandler, he was _Chandler._

She had tried to tell Phoebe _that _to, but had ended up receiving an odd look. She supposed it did sound a bit ridiculous.

"Oh, hey guys! Oh! Oh, you're holding hands! Look Rach, they're holding hands!" Phoebe said pointedly, giving her yet another forceful look.

"I noticed," Rachel said under her breath, then sat up as the two took a seat.

"Yeah, we're holding hands." Monica grinned up at Chandler, and Rachel felt herself sink down in the chair once more. Scum, scum, scum. She was now even more pathetic then Ross. "I'm gonna go get some coffee, okay sweetie?"

"Okay!" Chandler watched as Monica walked off, then glanced at the girls, a huge smile on his face. "Guess what I did last night?"

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"I had sex! Yeah! And even better, Mon was the one to start it! Oh, this is the best day ever!" Chandler leaned back in his chair, a smug look on his face.

"Oh, well, I'm glad," Rachel said softly, feeling the urge to pound her head against a wall as she noticed how cute Chandler looked. She still blamed Phoebe for everything. Phoebe and Vegas. It was mostly Vegas' fault though. Why would they let two people who are _that _drunk get married? It was stupid. Almost as stupid as her staying secretly married to Chandler, and attempting to convince herself that she didn't have feelings for him.

"Yep, last night was pretty damn good," Monica said as she took a seat once more, giving Chandler a quick peck on the lips before sipping her coffee. Chandler's grin grew wider, and Rachel glanced briefly up at the wall behind him, wondering how much damage she could do to her head with it.

"Oh, so you guys are doing good?"

"Yes we are Phoebe!" Monica exclaimed, then took another sip.

"Oh, well that's good…it's a pity Chandler and Rachel are still married then," Phoebe said nonchalantly. Rachel nearly fell out of her chair at Phoebe's words, then watched as Chandler's mouth fell open and Monica spit out her coffee in surprise, spraying the table with it. Even though she was shocked, Rachel couldn't help feel amusement at what Monica had just done. She had been sure that people only did that on sitcoms and in movies.

"What! Wha-what! Marrie-what!" Chandler stammered, glancing to and from Phoebe and Rachel in horror. Phoebe rolled her eyes, then started laughing.

"Only kidding! Jeez, you guys are too easy!"

"Oh my god Pheebs, don't do that!" Monica shrieked, calming slightly. Rachel breathed a sigh of relief, then quickly looked relaxed.

"I'm sorry; it was just too easy…I've been waiting for the perfect moment for that one for a while."

"Got it out of your system now, do ya?" Chandler asked. Phoebe nodded.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Okay, now that _that _heart attack is over, I better clean up this mess," Monica muttered, glancing at the soiled table and her half empty cup.

"I'll help you," Chandler offered. Rachel watched as the couple walked over to the counter to get napkins. She then turned to face Phoebe.

"Pheebs! What the hell was that?" she hissed.

"Saved your ass, didn't I?"

"What? How? You were the one that started it!"

"Well, least we know how they will react!" Phoebe reasoned. "You know, when you _never _tell them!"

"I will!"

"You will what?" Chandler asked as he sat back down; Monica sitting next to him.

"Uh…I will….I will learn how to knit!" Rachel exclaimed, pounding her hand against the table, then shaking it to get the coffee off. "I am going to do it one of these days!"

"Okay then." Monica raised her eyebrows, then leaned forward and began to wipe down the table. Chandler watched her with love in his eyes, then reached out a hand to push back a stray piece of hair that fell into her eyes. Rachel stood suddenly, and grabbed her coat.

"I-I have to go…you know, learn to knit…its hard…I'll see you later," she muttered, then practically fled the room. Chandler watched her go, then looked at the girls.

"What was that all about?"

"Eh, you can never tell with Rachel…perhaps she's in love?" Phoebe suggested.

"Ross again, most likely," Monica agreed. Phoebe nodded.

"Yeah…I'm sure that's who."

* * *

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

Rachel paced the living room, saying those words over and over again.

"Rach?" she turned to find Phoebe standing in the doorway, looking slightly confused. "What are you doing?"

"I'm _freaking out!"_ Rachel shrieked, sitting down on the couch.

"Oh, okay…you wanna go over to Joey's after you're done?"

"No, Pheebs! This is serious! I am totally freaking out! You have to help me!"

Phoebe sighed, sitting down next to her friend.

"Okay, what's up?"

"You know what's up!"

"I do, but I want you to say it."

"Why does he have to look so cute? Why does his hair have to smell so good? Why, _why _does he have to be so smart and funny and sweet?" Rachel stood and began to pace once more.

"I assume we are talking about Chandler?"

"Of course we are talking about Chandler! God, who else would I be talking about?"

"Well…Ross, maybe?"

"Ross doesn't have nice smelling hair Phoebe!" Rachel shrieked, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Okay, okay! Shh…sit down."

"I don't want to!"

"Sit down damnit!" Rachel immediately sat down, staring at Phoebe. "Okay…what are you saying?"

"I'm saying…oh, I don't know! I'm saying that I just felt the biggest pang of jealously _ever _just before, and that I am feeling like I did when Ross and Julie were going out!"

"Go on," Phoebe said after a pause, and Rachel could see the victory in her eyes. Rachel was finally saying what she had been saying for weeks.

"I'm saying…I think I'm in love with him…oh my god, its true! I'm in love with Chandler! Oh my god Pheebs! Why didn't you say anything?"

"W-What? I did!" Phoebe exclaimed.

"I know! But why didn't you say it more!"

"I said it at least twenty times a day for the last _month_! How much more can you get?"

"Oh crap!" Rachel stood once more and started pacing again. "Oh, this is bad, this is so bad, oh man, oh crap, oh god, this is worse then that time when-"

"Rachel! Rachel, stop panicking!"

"I can't! This is the worst thing _ever_!"

"Damnit Rachel, stop the madness!" Phoebe shrieked, grabbing Rachel's arms and shaking her.

"Madness? You're the one shaking me! I'm only the worst person in the history of people!"

"No, you're not…Ed Begley, Jr is," Phoebe muttered as she sat down. Rachel gave her an odd look.

"Uh…Ed Begley, Jr? Why is he the worst person in the history of people?"

"I don't want to get into it right now."

"Okay then," Rachel sat down next to Phoebe, staring at her for a long while.

"What?" Phoebe finally asked, sounding slightly exasperated.

"Tell me what to do!"

"I can't do that!"

"Why not? You've spent the last month telling me I'm in love with Chandler, and now that I know, you have to tell me what to do!"

"I don't know what to do Rach! This is a weird situation! I mean, it's _Chandler_!"

"I know!"

The two girls both quietened, staring down at the ground.

"Are you _sure _you love him?" Phoebe asked finally. Rachel looked at her in surprise.

"What? _Phoebe!_"

"What?"

"You were the one who kept saying I loved him, and now you are doubting that?"

"Well, it's not like I was _sure!"_

"You sounded pretty damn sure each time you said it!" Rachel shrieked.

"That was because I was pretending! Pretending! I knew you wouldn't figure it out…you know, if there _was _something to figure out…if I seemed unsure!"

"Oh, this is still the worst thing ever!"

"So…are you sure?" Phoebe's words cut through Rachel, and she took a long time to answer. Finally, she turned to her friend, tears in her eyes.

"Yes…I'm sure."

"Well…crap."

"Yeah."

* * *

"Hey Rach."

Rachel let out a small shriek, surprised to hear somebody talk at two in the morning. She turned to find Chandler standing behind her, hair mussed up and clad in a blue shirt and a pair of red checked pants. He yawned slightly, and Rachel felt her heart skip a beat. This really was the worst situation ever. How could Chandler have gone from being her funny friend Chandler, to her sexy, she must have him _Chandler?_

"Chandler! What are you doing here?" she squeaked, closing the fridge.

"Well…I could give you details, but I'm not sure if you need to know that," he said grinning. Rachel found herself nodding. You got that right, she thought to herself. She did not need to hear about his and Monica's sex life; especially not now.

"I-I mean…what are you doing up?"

"I felt like some cold pizza…you?"

Rachel bit her lip, feeling embarrassment set in.

"Same thing," she muttered. Chandler grinned once more, then reached past her and pulled open the fridge.

"Sometimes I swear that you and me were meant to be together," he joked as he pulled out the leftover pizza and set it down on the table. Rachel rolled her eyes when he turned his back, wondering why God seemed to enjoy punishing her so much.

"Yeah…good one," she managed to utter, then glanced at her door. "I think I might go back to bed."

"Don't you want pizza?" he asked as he sat down.

"Uh…"

"Sit down, have some pizza!" Chandler pulled out a seat for her, and Rachel reluctantly sat down next to him.

"Okay then."

"Here, you get the best piece, I'll have the crappy, unappealing piece," Chandler handed her a slice, eyes narrowing as she hesitantly took it. "You okay?"

"Y-Yeah! Of…of course I'm okay!"

"Are you sure? You've been acting kinda weird for a while now."

"I have?"

"Yeah…since Vegas, actually."

"Well, you can imagine why," Rachel muttered, then let out a short laugh. Chandler smiled slightly.

"It's because Mon was pissed at you huh?"

"Yeah," she lied. Well, it wasn't exactly a lie. She had been upset that Monica had been pissed at her.

"Well, I think she is over it Rach," Chandler bit into his pizza, then glanced at her as he chewed. "I mean, everything finally seems to be back to normal, so you really don't have anything to worry about."

"Yeah, I know."

"There's a but, isn't there?"

"What makes you say that?" Rachel said softly. Chandler smiled once more and Rachel once more found her heart melt.

"Because I'm psychic."

"Chandler-"

"Okay, okay…I don't know, it's just that something else seems to be wrong…you seem different."

"Well, that explained a lot," Rachel said sarcastically. Chandler simply smirked, then bit into his pizza once more, and began talking with his mouth full.

"I don't know Rach, you should know."

"I don't know…"

"Oh well…it's a pity I'm not psychic then…well, I sorta am, but not enough to figure that one out. Maybe you should ask Phoebe?"

"Yeah, I tried that," Rachel muttered.

"And?"

"And she was no use whatsoever…well; she did shake me a bit."

"Are we speaking metaphorically?"

"Sadly, no."

"Ah."

"Yeah…it sucks." Chandler smiled, then swallowed the final piece of pizza.

"Well, I better get back to bed then…Mon might wake up and tell me off for eating the pizza."

"Okay," Rachel said wistfully. Chandler smiled.

"Sure you're okay?"

"I guess so."

"Strong answer," he stood up, and placed his plate in the sink.

"Maybe it's just hormones."

"Sounds like a girl problem to me…hey!" Chandler whirled around, a mischievous look in his eye. "Maybe you're pregnant?"

"What?" Rachel shrieked. "I'm not pregnant! Why would I be pregnant?"

"I learnt something this weekend Miss Hoover…never joke about pregnancy," Chandler joked. Rachel stared at him, wide eyed. "Just doing a…don't listen to me…uh…night Rach!"

"Night," Rachel muttered, watching with wide eyes as he walked towards Monica's bedroom and shut the door. Pregnant? Why would he even joke about that? She hadn't had sex in at least a month-

Oh, who was she kidding? She hadn't had sex in three months, so she couldn't be pregnant. Plus, she hadn't missed her-

Wait.

Rachel rushed over and grabbed her diary, flipping through it frantically. She found the right page and let out a small cry. She was late. By nearly three weeks.

How could she have not noticed that?

But she couldn't be pregnant. She definitely didn't look or feel three months pregnant, which she would have to be, seeing that was the last time she had slept with someone. Unless…

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

* * *

"Well, Miss Green, I have some good news," Dr Foreman said cheerfully. Rachel stared at her with wide eyes.

"It's true…I'm pregnant, aren't I?" Rachel had taken a pregnancy test that morning, but not trusting it, she had decided on going to the doctor, hoping to receive a different answer. As it turned out, the test had been right.

"Yes, you are."

"That isn't good news! How could that be good news?" Rachel shrieked suddenly. Dr Foreman looked slightly apprehensive.

"I-I'm sorry…usually it is! It isn't good news?"

"How far along am I?" Rachel asked, reaching over and grabbing the doctor's hand.

"Four weeks."

"Oh my freaking god!"

"What?"

"I haven't had sex in thee months!" Rachel exclaimed. Dr Foreman stared at her for a second.

"Have you been to any parties or anything where you could have been sexually abused without knowing it?"

"No!"

"Okay…what about intoxication?"

"Well, that's kinda what I was afraid of," Rachel whined, letting go of the doctors hand.

"May I ask why?"

"You got an hour?" Rachel let out a slightly hysterical laugh, to which Dr Foreman smiled at.

"Actually I do…and I'm all ears."

"…okay…okay," Rachel let out a distressed sigh, taking a moment to compose herself. She was pregnant. Not just pregnant, but apparently pregnant to her secret husband. "Alright, a month ago, my friends and I went to Las Vegas; my friend's Monica and Chandler going to celebrate their first anniversary. But then they had a fight, and Chandler and I got drunk, and the next thing I know, we are waking up in bed together –clothes _on,_ by the way – and it turns out we got married that night! So, for a month, Chandler has been trying to fix things with Mon, and I've been secretly married to him, because I told him I got an annulment when I really _didn't,_ and my friend Pheebs kept telling me that I was doing that because I was in love with Chandler, and yesterday I figured out that she was right, but now Mon and Chandler are all happy again, and I'm apparently knocked up, which isn't going to sit well, because we told Mon that we didn't sleep together, because we believed that, but-"

"Miss Green?" Dr Foreman interrupted. "I think that it is imperative to both you and the baby that you breathe now."

"You're right but…please, tell me what to do!"

"Well…you could get an abortion-"

"But I want the baby!" Rachel exclaimed, then let out a gasp. "Oh! I want the baby! Oh, I can't believe this! I'm gonna be a mommy!"

"See? I told you it was good news!"

"No, it still isn't! I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend, am secretly still married to him, and now I am pregnant to him? That isn't good news!"

"Well…I know it's not my place to say this, but you did ask me what you should do-"

"Yes! Tell me!" Rachel said eagerly. Dr Foreman took a deep breath.

"I think you should tell Chandler everything." Rachel stared at the doctor for a moment, then responded.

"…yeah, well there is a reason why you are a doctor and not a counsellor."

* * *

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god."

"Are you freaking out again?" Phoebe asked as she walked into the apartment.

"Of course I am! When am I _not _freaking out these days?" Rachel exclaimed.

"What about now? Same thing as yesterday?"

"Oh god Pheebs, I wish!" Rachel sat down on the couch, covering her face with her hands. Phoebe stared at her for a second, then sat down next to her.

"What is it?"

"Well…you know how Chandler and I were sure that we didn't sleep together in Vegas?"

"Ya huh?"

"Well….cant you figure out what I'm going to say?"

"Oh…oh! Are you saying that you two…"

"We must have!"

"Why? Do you remember it?"

"Well…no…"

"Then why would you say that?"

"Well, usually it takes two people to make a baby Phoebe!" Rachel shrieked. Phoebe's eyes widened.

"Y-You're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Oh my god! This is great!"

"Pheebs!"

"Oh okay, right…not great."

"No, not great…in fact, horrible…completely horrible! Oh god Pheebs, how did my life get so screwed up?" Rachel began to cry, leaning against Phoebe. The blonde wrapped her arms around her friend.

"It's okay Rach."

"How is it okay? It is so unbelievably _not _okay!"

"What's going on?" Rachel and Phoebe froze, then both turned to find Monica standing in the doorway. They hadn't heard the front door open, Rachel's sobs covering any noise. "Oh my god Rach, you're crying! What's wrong?"

"The sale at Saks finished before she could buy that dress," Phoebe piped up before Rachel could say anything.

"Oh, I'm so sorry honey; I know how much you wanted that dress…come here!" Monica sat down next to Rachel, and hugged her. Rachel, feeling more like scum then ever before, let herself be hugged.

"I just…I loved that dress so much!" she exclaimed.

"I know…I know," Monica soothed.

"Hey, maybe some other store has it cheap?" Phoebe suggested after a moment. "Rach, why don't we go and _look _for it?"

"O-Okay."

"Aw, shoot, I can't come, Ross and I are going to see our parents."

"Oh, too bad Mon…okay, lets go!" Phoebe pulled Rachel up and led her towards the door.

"Have fun sweetie," Monica called as the door shut behind them. Rachel immediately burst into tears once more.

"Sweetie? She called me sweetie? I'm the worst person ever!"

"No, you're not-"

"Well, I'm getting close to Ed Begley, Jr by the second!"

"Ed Begley, Jr?" the two girls turned to find Joey and Chandler standing at the top of the stairs.

"Okay, we have to _check _before we start talking!" Phoebe exclaimed. Rachel stared at Chandler, feeling her throat close up. He cocked his head at her, frowning slightly.

"Rach?"

"Fla-" was all she could manage. His frown grew deeper.

"Fla?"

"Yes fla!" Phoebe said harshly, grabbing Rachel's arm. "Now, if you two will excuse us, we have important matters to discuss…come on Rach."

"But-"

"I said come on!" Phoebe pulled Rachel past the boys, and towards the stairs.

"Have fun!" Chandler called after them, sounding confused. Rachel burst into tears once more, and the boys glanced at one another as they listened to her wail.

"What's up with her?" Joey asked once they were gone.

"She's probably still upset because I made a joke about her being pregnant," Chandler said as he opened their door. Joey grinned.

"Hey, good one."

"Yeah, she didn't think so."

* * *

"Okay, Rach? You have got to stop crying! Stop it! Don't make me shake you again!"

"You can't shake me! You might hurt the baby!" Rachel whimpered. Phoebe sighed.

"I'm sure the baby would be fine…now Rach? Rach, calm down! Calm down and sit down!" Rachel sat down, glancing around to see where Phoebe had taken her. They were in the park. "Okay…let's talk about this…and no crying!"

"Okay, okay."

"Now, are you sure it is Chandler's baby?"

"Yes…I'm four weeks pregnant, and Vegas was four weeks ago. And I haven't slept with anyone else for a long time."

"So, you and Chandler must have done the dirty?"

"Oh god, yes." Rachel covered her face with her hands. "All I can think of is Monica's face when she found out we were married! What is she going to look like when she finds this out?"

"I don't know…so…are you keeping it?"

"Yes…it's my baby Pheebs…it's _our_ baby! There is no way I could give up my baby." Rachel rubbed her belly subconsciously, still amazed at the fact that there was something growing inside of her.

"So…basically…you're going to have to tell Chandler."

"Why?"

"Because you have to."

"I know…and I'm going to."

"Around the same time that you tell him you guys are still married?"

"Yeah, about that time," Rachel said, nodding slightly.

"Rach!"

"Pheebs, I am going to tell him! Okay? I have to tell him…but I can't do it today…I need a couple of days to sort a few things out. Add that to the fact that I have to hand up this big work thing to Mr Zelner tomorrow, and I haven't even finished it yet!"

"Okay, okay…don't start crying again…okay, you are going to tell Chandler?"

"Yes."

"You aren't going to chicken out?"

"No."

"Good because if you don't tell him, I will Rach."

"What?"

Phoebe sighed, glancing down at the ground for a moment. "Rach, Chandler has a right to know everything, and he is going to find out, one way or another. I mean, it's his baby too."

"I know…I'll tell him…soon."

"Soon?"

"In the next few days."

"Good girl."

"Yeah…I have to go finish my work thing." Phoebe watched as Rachel walked off, then shook her head.

"And the plot thickens."

* * *

"Hey Rach," Chandler said the next morning, walking into the girls apartment. Rachel froze for a moment, then forced a smile.

"Hey Chandler…Monica's already gone."

"Bummer…oh well, I'll just hang out with you then."

"Actually, I'm running late too, so…and you should be running late too, shouldn't you?"

"Got a day off," Chandler explained, sitting down at the table. Rachel smiled.

"You _got _a day off, or you are _taking _a day off?"

"Aren't they the same thing?" Chandler asked innocently. Rachel let out a laugh, then stopped abruptly. She was pregnant with his child, the little voice in her head was screaming.

"Uh…yeah, I gotta go…I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay…have fun at work!"

"Sure!" Rachel turned and fled the room, leaving a slightly confused Chandler behind. "Still being strange," he muttered to himself, standing up and walking over to the couch. He turned the TV on, then started flicking through channels, until he came across Buffy. Not questioning why it was on in the morning, Chandler sat back and watched Sarah Michelle Gellar dispatch of the evil vampires.

"No! Don't do that you stupid girl! He's obviously a demon masquerading as a-" the phone rang, interrupting Chandler's ramble. He reached over and answered it, keeping one eye on the TV. "Hello?"

"Hello, is Rachel Green there please?"

"Uh no, she's not, can I take a message?"

"Just tell her that as I have not heard from her, I'm assuming she is going to give the marriage a try."

Chandler frowned, scratching his head. "Rachel got married again? When?"

"…a month ago, in Las Vegas?" the man on the other end sounded slightly unsure, as if he knew he shouldn't have been telling Chandler that.

"What? Oh my god…What? You mean…you mean…what?"

"Who is this?"

"This is Chandler Bing!" Chandler screamed into the phone.

"The husband?"

"Yes the husband…no, not the husband!"


	6. Chapter 6

Hey kids! Finally, I wrote some more on this story! Yay me! And this is where the drama part of the genre starts to unfold...there is only so much humor I can inflict into such a situation like this! But I'll try to keep at least some humor in it! Oh, and I have no idea how Chandler would react in a situation like this...last time he and I were secretly married, the restraining order prevented me from seeing his reaction...but oh well! So please read and review and I'll try to update soon...after I update smoke and mirrors! Yehaw!

I dont own friends/actors/characters, but I do currently own a head of red hair...more burgendy...blonde hair does strange things when you put an aztec copper rinse through it! Also, once more, I'm having trouble with my net, so no line thing seperating it again! DOH!

"And here is the fall line."

Rachel handed a folder to Mr Zelner, then clasped her hands together hopefully as he looked through it.

"Rachel, I must say, this is pretty impressive."

"Oh, well, you know, that's neither here nor there." She leaned over the back of the chair, laughing lightly; all thoughts of babies and Chandler pushed into the back of her mind for now.

"I think that if you keep up the good work, there might be some sort of reward for you soon."

"Oh my god, really?"

"Yes! You are a valued employee here Rachel. Smart, talented, truthful-"

"Rachel! Are you insane? We're still _married? _What…how…what the hell were you _thinking?"_

Both Rachel and Mr Zelner froze, then turned to find a fuming Chandler in the doorway. Mr Zelner glanced from Chandler to Rachel, his face showing that of a question mark. Rachel let out a nervous laugh.

"Excuse me, Mr Zelner." She grabbed Chandler's hand and pulled him out of the room.

"Oh yeah, because holding my hand isn't going to make matters worse or anything!"

"Shut up!" she hissed, dragging him down the hallway.

"Shut up? Do you guys hear that? My _wife_ is telling me to shut up!" The people they were rushing past gave the two an odd look, then went back to what they were doing.

"Chandler!" she screeched, then pushed him into her office, shutting the door behind them. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"What the hell do I think _I _am doing? Rach, what the hell do you think _you _are doing! I can't believe you didn't get the annulment! What, were you just never going to tell me?"

"Chandler-"

"Or were you going to wait until Mon and I got married and then jump out and scream _'Surprise!'_" Chandler waved his arms frantically, looking on the borderline of hysterics.

"Chandler-"

"No, wait, I got it! This was just a game, or-or a dare! Yeah, you were waiting to tell me, waiting for _ages, _until the vein in my head turned from non existent to _colossal! _You _wanted _my vein to explode, didn't you!" he pointed an accusing finger at her face, which Rachel knocked away.

"Chandler-"

"Or perhaps it was just-"

"Chandler, for god sakes, shut up!" she screamed. Chandler backed away, eyes wide.

"Shut up? Oh, well I definitely don't want the divorce now, seeing we are in such a loving relationship!"

"You just keep on talking, don't you?"

"You're damn right I do! Especially in situations like this! Rach, what the _hell _were you thinking? Did you think how this would affect things? Did you think how this would affect me and Monica? Did you think-"

"No! Well…yes…but, I don't know Chandler, I didn't think…but I did…but I didn't…you know, I blame this all on Vegas." Rachel sat heavily in her chair, rubbing her forehead.

"Yes, because Vegas decided to stay secretly married to me…oh no! No no, that was _you!"_

"This really isn't helping right now Chandler," Rachel snapped. Chandler paused, then let out a long sigh, sitting down on the corner of the desk.

"Rach…Rach."

"What?" Rachel asked tearfully, glancing up at him. He didn't look angry anymore; more tired then anything.

"Why didn't you get the annulment?"

"It's complicated."

"How is it complicated? You said it was easy."

"Not the annulment; that's easy. The situation, that's what is complicated," Rachel muttered, glancing back down at her hands.

"What's so complicated about it?"

"You know…uh…no, you don't…never mind…" Rachel took a deep breath, then stood up. "Look, if you want to get the annulment, that's fine; we'll get it right now."

"Why can we get it now? Why couldn't we have gotten it four weeks ago?" Chandler was starting to sound frustrated again, and Rachel knew that there was no way to explain her actions without getting him either angry or freaked out.

"I don't know Chandler, okay? I'm a woman! Doesn't that give me the right to do something crazy every now and then? Like, say, stay married to a guy because it may be the only marriage I ever get?"

"Is that what this is about?" Chandler eyed her carefully, a long pause stretching out between them.

"Yeah, sure…yeah, that's what this is about." Rachel twisted her hair nervously.

"Rach…you're lying."

"What? I'm not lying! Why would you assume that?"

"Because you are playing with your hair! You only do that when you're nervous or lying…that's right, I pay attention!"

"Okay Mr Observant, tell me then; why did I stay married to you?" Rachel stared at Chandler defiantly; a part of her hoping that he would figure it out. Maybe then he would take her in his arms, kiss her and ravish her, right on her desk. Wishful thinking, but she could dream.

"Because you're crazy? Because you're weird? Because you're…because you're jealous?" Chandler cocked an eyebrow. "Am I getting warm?"

"Jealous? Who would I be jealous of? Why would I be jealous?" Rachel laughed nervously, twisting her hair once more.

"Because Mon and I are in a relationship and you want that? Or maybe you're in love with Monica…or me," Chandler laughed lightly, shaking his head. "But that would just be impossible…me having two beautiful women hot for me when I had so much trouble getting one…are you in love with Monica?"

"What? No!"

"Then _what?"_

"It doesn't matter! We are going down and getting this damn thing broken up, right now!" Rachel grabbed her purse from her desk and marched out the room, determined to do the right thing, even if it hurt her. "Oh, and Monica _never _finds out about this!"

"You're damn straight she never finds out about this! She would physically slaughter me! And God only knows what she would do to you!"

"Yeah, she's always been scared of me stealing her guys," Rachel muttered under her breath.

"That ain't gonna happen here, no, no, no!"

"Pity." Rachel spoke so quiet that Chandler didn't hear, although he knew that she had spoken.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, another secret huh? What, do we secretly have three children and live in the 'burbs with a white picket fence?"

"You aren't going to get over this, are you?"

"Would you?"

"I don't know Chandler, but I most likely would be a bit lenient on whoever was secretly married to me…I mean, I am obviously kinda crazy at the moment; I'm talking whacked out, hair sticking up on ends, head about to explode _crazy!" _Rachel threw her arms out to signify her craziness, and accidentally smacked some random person in the head. "Sorry! I mean…no I'm not sorry, because I'm crazy!"

"Crazy people apologise too Rach!" Chandler exclaimed as he hurried to keep up with her. "Speaking of which, I'm still waiting for my apology."

"Apology? For what?"

"What the hell do you think? For _this!"_

"Oh, you want an apology? Fine! I'm so _sorry _that I didn't get the annulment and put you and Monica's relationship in turmoil! I'm so _sorry _that I got you drunk and married you-"

"A little less sarcasm would be nice," Chandler muttered as they left the building. Rachel turned on her heel to face him, feeling less sane then she ever had. Chandler had found out, and she had just blown her chances with him. Not that she had ever really _had _much of a chance. Instead of crying, like she would usually do, Rachel decided to be bitter.

"Oh, coming from the king of sarcasm himself!"

"Rach-"

"No, no, no, let me finish! Where was I...oh yes! I'm _sorry _I ruined everything, and I'm sorry I ever listened to Phoebe! If I hadn't then maybe this would never have happened! Maybe I would have kept pining for Ross instead of pining for you!"

Chandler stopped in the street, mouth agape as he stared at Rachel.

"…what?"

"Yeah, that's right! I fell in love with you Chandler, and it's making me _crazy! _Now hurry up, its 11, and the divorce lawyer closes at 5!" Rachel stalked off, heart hammering in her chest as she realised what she had just done. This was definitely a time to freak out.

"…what?"

"Chandler, come on!"

"No…what? You…you…you love…me?"

"Yes, okay! Now, are you going to ravish me or are we going to get this marriage annulled?" Rachel exclaimed, hoping for the former. Chandler continued to stare at her, his eyes showing that the wheels were turning.

"You love me?"

"Holy crap, why is it so hard to believe? Chandler…Chandler? Are you okay?"

"I need…I need water." Chandler backed up and sat down on a bench, still staring at Rachel. She sighed, glancing around. Rushing over to the nearest vender, she quickly purchased a bottle of water. "Here."

"Thanks…" Chandler took a small sip, then glanced back at her. "How could you love me?"

"I don't know Chandler, I really don't…falling in love with your husband is not an everyday occurrence…maybe I always loved you? I don't know."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes…and I'm sorry, it's the worst thing I could do, I know…you love Monica…you do love Monica?" Rachel looked at Chandler with hopeful eyes, longing to hear him say otherwise, and feeling horrible because of that.

"I do…"

"Well, okay then, this is sorted out," Rachel took a deep breath, knowing that there was one small matter that needed to be attended to. "Well…almost."

"What do you mean? The annulment?"

"No…there's something else."

"What?"

Rachel paused, running her hands through her hair nervously. Chandler waited for a long moment, then raised the bottle to his lips. As he went to take a sip, Rachel spoke. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh…oh! Wow…that was unexpected! Uh…hey, uh…wow…"

"Yeah…"

"Who's the father?" Chandler asked after another pause. Rachel bit her lip, watching as Chandler raised the bottle once more.

"It's yours." She continued to watch as Chandler drank…and drank…and drank. Finally, when she started to tap her foot, he lowered the bottle and mechanically put the lid back on, then set it down on the ground. He then turned to Rachel.

"What?"

"It's yours…you're the father."

"But…what? H-How and…and…but…"

"Apparently we slept together that night."

"No we didn't."

"Yes…we did."

"No we didn't."

"Chandler, we must have!"

"Why? Why must have we?"

"Because we woke up in bed together, and I highly doubt I went randomly sleeping with any other guy that night!"

"Well, it could have been some other night!"

"Chandler, I hadn't had sex in _forever!" _Rachel exclaimed, then glared at the woman who looked at her oddly. "Oh, I'm sorry! Is our midlife crisis disturbing your day? Keep walking Blondie!"

"You're pregnant? Oh my god…oh my god, so this is what it feels like to have a stroke."

Rachel glared after the nosy woman for a moment, then turned to Chandler. "I really…I don't know what to say Chandler."

"Are…are you going to keep it?"

"Yes."

"I'm gonna be a dad…Monica's gonna kill me," Chandler stood abruptly, running his hands through his hair in a panic. "She is going to kill me! Why did we sleep together? Why would I do that?"

"We were really drunk-"

"So drunk that I would jeopardise my relationship like that?" Chandler sat down heavily on the bench. "This is unbelievable."

"I know and I'm so sorry, god am I sorry."

"Hey, it's not your fault that I'm a complete and utter moron," Chandler muttered. Rachel sighed, taking a seat next to him.

"No, but it does take two to tango, you know…and I am the one who stayed married to you."

"Yeah…"

Rachel watched Chandler for a long while, biting her lip thoughtfully. "Maybe we should just go and get the annulment?"

"No, you're right…it's complicated now…you're pregnant and you…you love me?"

"I don't have to love you Chandler, I really don't."

"But you do?"

"I do…so much."

"This is something new and different," Chandler ran his hands through his hair once more, then turned to face her. "What do we do?"

"What do you think we should do?"

"What do you want to do about this?"

"I think you know what I want to do about this Chandler, but I know that isn't going to happen…you're with Mon."

"Yeah…until she finds out about this," Chandler muttered. Rachel felt a pang of guilt course through her as she watched Chandler sigh. "Rach, you know I love you, right?"

"Just not that way?"

"I'm sorry…but hey! We get a baby, right?" Chandler let out a slightly crazed laugh.

"Right," Rachel said forlornly. Chandler let out another sigh.

"Oh this is messed up…and awkward."

"No, hey, it's fine! It's all good…we'll go get this marriage annulled, figure out a way to tell Mon, try to keep her from killing us, and then have the baby! It will be fine!"

"Sounds easy enough…"

Rachel nodded, biting her lip to stop the tears from coming. "Yeah…easy."

"You crying?"

"No…I'm just overjoyed about our whole awkward situation."

"Rach…"

Rachel let out a sob, shaking her head. "It's awful and stupid, but part of me really wanted you to pick me over Mon…I'm so selfish."

"You're not selfish Rach-"

"Aren't I? I broke up Ross and Julie because I wanted him, I almost broke up Ross and Emily because I wanted him, and now a part of me wanted to break you and Mon up because I wanted you? What isn't selfish about that?"

Rachel started to cry then, leaving Chandler with no idea what to do. Usually he would hug her and tell her that everything was alright, but this wasn't a usual situation. This was an unbelievable situation. Shrugging, Chandler reached over and pulled Rachel into his arms. As awkward as the situation was, he couldn't watch her cry and do nothing.

"I've screwed everything up," Rachel sobbed. Chandler shook his head, holding her closer.

"It's okay; we'll figure something out."


	7. Chapter 7

Oh lordy! Do I need a hell of a spanking! I have been so naughty with this story, havent updated it since last year! Thats a bad girl! Anyway, I decided to go on a writing spree (1000 words...what a lame spree) and update this! It aint much, but its a start, I guess. Now, this story has been quite comical up till now, but there aint nothing funny about this chapter, for good reason. This chap HAD to be dramatic, no ifs ands or buts about it! There is nothing funny about a situation like this...but the funny will pick up after this chap...I think! Once I bring Pheebs back into it, more than likely (she;s funny) So please read and review, and I love you...hope you like this!

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do own a pulsating eye...does that ever happen to anyone else? Happens to me all the friggen time!

"-son of a bitch! I cannot believe you! How could you, you bastard?"

"Mon…Mon, honey-"

"Oh, no, don't you honey me! You aren't allowed to honey me, not anymore, you son of a bitch!" Monica screamed, pointing a shaking finger at Chandler. She then turned and continued to throw his things off the balcony. Rachel watched this quietly. She had done the same thing to Paulo, although that had been with his luggage. Monica was currently tossing all the things that Chandler had in 'his' drawer in Monica's room, which wasn't much. Why would he need much when he lived across the hall?

Because of that, Monica was taking her time, turning back every few seconds to scream at Chandler, and occasionally, Rachel.

"Pregnant? How could you be pregnant?"

It was Rachel's turn to be yelled at. She fought down the urge to make a sarcastic comment, knowing it wouldn't help matters. And that Chandler would not be happy with her.

"It just…I don't remember, Mon," she whispered instead. Monica glowered at her, then turned back to the balcony.

"Mon?" Chandler tried again. "Mon, sweeti-"

"_Sweetie_ is not allowed either, Chandler Bing! Oh, god, I am…" Monica let out a shriek of anger.

"I know, I know. It's just that…"

"_What, Chandler?"_

"You're out of things to throw."

Monica paused for a moment, glanced down at the empty drawer in her hands, then whirled around and caught Chandler in the stomach with it. He let out a grunt of pain, yet managed to grab it as Monica let go. She stalked past both Chandler and Rachel, and quickly made her way inside, body shaking with anger. Rachel couldn't remember ever seeing Monica that angry. After Chandler recovered, the two entered the apartment to find Monica pacing.

"Why didn't I see this coming? Why? Rachel! You-you always stole the guys I liked!"

"I so did not!" Rachel said shrilly.

"You did, you _slut_!"

"Hey!"

"Oh, don't try to deny it!"

"Mon, don't blame Rachel. I screwed up, not-"

"It takes two to screw, Chandler, and that's what you guys did!" she pointed a finger at the two, who were cowering with fear near the table. "I want you both _out _of this apartment!"

"Mon-"

"Right now! I don't ever want to see you guys again! Out!"

"Can we please talk about this?" Chandler pleaded. Monica burst into tears, surprising Rachel. "Please?"

"No, Chandler, we can't. Now get the hell out!"

Chandler stared at Monica for a moment, then glanced down at his feet, nodding sadly. Rachel watched as he turned and left the apartment, then looked at Monica. Her best friend, if she could still call her that, was giving her a look that would scare even the toughest man away. Rachel stood her ground, albeit cautiously.

"How could you?" Monica whispered, a stark contrast to her angry appearance. Rachel felt tears burn in her eyes.

"I don't know…I don't remember…it wouldn't have been Chandler's fault, you have to know that. I would have…seduced him."

"I know that," Monica said coldly, pulling herself together as quickly as she had broken down. "It doesn't change the fact that he let himself be seduced."

"God, Mon, he loves you so much, you have to work things out," Rachel pleaded, surprising herself. She truly did want them to work things out, despite how she felt about Chandler.

"Grab whatever you can, and get out of _my _apartment," was all Monica said, before turning and entering her bedroom. Rachel cringed as the door slammed shut, then stood there for a long moment, before walking into her own bedroom.

She gathered a few things in a bag, then turned and fled the apartment.

In the hallway, Rachel considered her options. She couldn't go back; Monica would surely murder her. She could go stay with Ross, but would most likely be kicked out quickly. No matter what their past held, Ross would definitely side with Monica on this one. And why wouldn't he? Phoebe's was an option. After all, the blonde had already known everything, and hadn't shunned her. In fact, she had encouraged Rachel to let the cat out of the bag. But she wasn't sure if she could face Phoebe.

Biting her lip, Rachel let the bag drop to the floor, then burst into tears.

The door to apartment 19 opened a moment later, and Chandler gestured for her to come in. Rachel stared at him for a moment, then picked up her bag and walked inside.

Chandler closed the door behind her, and Rachel stood in the middle of the room, not sure what to say or do. She couldn't remember the last time she had created more of an awkward situation.

When her and Ross had broken up, it had been extremely awkward whenever they had gone near each other. A wave of sadness suddenly hit Rachel, as she realised how upset and angry she had been when Ross had cheated on her.

Add a baby into the mix, and that's how Monica felt.

She was Chloe. Chandler was Ross. And Monica was her.

Except worse. The baby made it worse. The fact that Rachel was Monica's best friend made it worse.

Rachel shook her head, yet again feeling like the wost scum of the universe.

She turned to find Chandler sitting in his chair, a blank look on his face.

"Chandler-"

"You can stay here for a while…unless Joey objects."

"There's a good chance he will," Rachel said after a beat. Rachel knew Joey. For a man who slept with every and any woman he could find, Joey had a surprising amount of morals. She remembered with a shudder how Joey had reacted when he found out that his dad had been cheating.

And the Kathy incident.

"Yeah, well…he'll probably object about me, too, if he does," Chandler muttered. Rachel nodded. It was a good point. Rachel wasn't the only one who had cheated in this room.

The awkward silence took over once more, and Rachel had no idea how to fill it.

After a long moment, she walked over and sat down on the couch, then started to rifle through her bag. She gave up a moment later, tossing the bag on the floor and glancing up at Chandler.

"I am _so _sorry, Chandler," she whispered. He shrugged listlessly.

"Like I said, it takes two to tango. Or like Mon said…"

"I should have…it would have been me, I…" she trailed off, not knowing where she was going with that sentence. Chandler seemed to understand, and nodded sullenly, tears brimming in his eyes. A moment later, he stood up and walked into his room, closing the door gently behind him.

Rachel let out a sigh, then picked up her bag once more.


End file.
